REALationships - Miscommunication and Arguments

Miscommunication and Arguments

Recently I've realized that DB and I have been having a lot of disagreements and sometimes even arguments due to the fact that someone misunderstood what the other one was trying to say, which lead to a LONG discussion of each of us trying to make the other one understand what we are both trying to say. Come to find out we both were saying the exact same thing but failed to listen to each other therefore not realizing that we actually agreed on what we thought we disagreed on. Smh. I personally think that it is all DB's fault because if he would have just listened to me in the beginning, he would have understood what I was saying and realized that he agreed and we would have saved a whole hour of arguing for absolutely no reason at all. But of course it takes 2 to tango so it really isn't all of his fault because I failed to listen too. It's probably 90% DB's fault and only 10% my fault though lol We all know that guys can be difficult and hard to understand. However, in order to improve or better communication in a relationship, both sides have to equally admit that both individuals have not been communicating properly.

I have to admit we have a lot to work on, both individually and as a couple. So I've come up with 3 things that I think probably would help a lot not only with our relationship but anyone having miscommunication problems with their significant other.

Man this is the number one issue that is causing our misunderstandings and leading to so much miscommunication! More often than not, one of us can be talking and the other interrupts because something said was misunderstood and so we have to jump in and say why the other is wrong about what was said. If we continue to keep cutting each other off, we'll never understand fully what we were trying to communicate. We really need to work on listening to what the other is saying before we start assuming or trying to prove our own points.

Remain Calm
Ok so this right here is my own personal problem. Lets just say, sometimes I can get extremely irritated. And right now my emotions are at their highest due to physical issues. Lol. So I can get loud or tend to "snap" if I am pushed to that level and well it doesn't take that much to get me to that level right now. So I'll get irritated and just be like " Ok whatever, I don't care anymore. It doesn't even matter so just drop it." We all know that "dropping" the issue will not at all solve the problem and most likely it will just continue to build and eventually explode. So remaining calm is something I really want to work on myself. There is no need to get hostile when having a disagreement. A minor disagreement can turn into a huge argument when one person reacts extremely negative and raises their voice or starts saying hurtful things just because they are angry. Remember, you can never take back what you say. You may not mean it and just wanted to hurt feelings but those words can always stick with that person and eventually cause even more issues in the relationship.

Sometimes there are issues that only God can fix. A lot of times, certain issues have nothing to do with the relationship and have everything to do with personal issues. Some people hold on to things that happen in their past that can cause personal trust issues. Trust and communication go hand in hand. There is not a thing I can do to change what happened in his past and there is not a thing he can do to change what happened in my past. When you allow those things to affect the way you trust and communicate with your significant other it can cause so much unnecessary drama in the relationship. Most of the time the only way to deal with the past is to pray and ask God to help you let go of them. You can't focus on your future when your so stuck in the past. 

Professional Help
Now this here isn't meant for everyone. So this is an optional, to each his own solution. Personally I don't have an issue with it. DB had an issue with this due to his own personal experiences from his past, but after talking to someone close to him, he realized that this actually could be a good idea and could really help our relationship a lot. Especially being that we have been talking a lot about taking our relationship to the ultimate level. So we are in search of a premarital councelor because of our situation and wanting to prepare to take our relationship further. Now the type of councelor you use can depend on your own situations. I just think that a third party can point out things that we don't see and can help us prepare for a life together. But like I said before, this is a solution that isn't for everyone. So it's just a suggestion.

Well that's all I have for today. I hope that this helped someone. If not, I most definitely was preaching to myself and plan on taking my own advice. Lol.

Have a great rest of your week! XOXO

P.S. DB means Dear Boyfriend. Lol
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